I, indeed, DO live a hard life
and yet when I see people that I haven't seen in years
they look worse off than me?
By the way, it genuinely surprises me!
I am poor
--No
I am BROKE!
and have been for majority of my life
and yet sometimes people get offended by me (and by my family)
they are so blinded by my strength that they actually feel threatened
some actually get offended, as if I did something to them
(which I haven't!--I think it's just the fact that I exist that offends them)
some actually get mad... like friends who, one day, are just fed up with your presence that they betray you instead of support you!
(you see, when deep down inside you are not a true friend for reasons such as envy, you will believe any sh*t talking someone else says about your friend... and you will betray them by believing the ugly lies that you hope are truths)
and others...
feel the need to show off...
they start name dropping
brands, colleges, jobs, vacation spots, new homes that their daughter, son, and they've bought...
people getting married... businesses and flaunting...
naming all the places and spots that they think are the “it" places to be...
it's like WTF is going on?
what are they talking about and why tho???
It takes me a while to actually get what they're doing because it seems so weird, unnecessary, and stupid to me...
you know, I thought I was the loner who doesn't have social skills and yet I have more courtesy and manners than these people...
After a long while of trying to figure out what they're doing
That they're trying to show off and compete with me...
I laugh to myself...
if they only knew!
If they only knew!
They would not trade their life for mines any day
and they would not tolerate their own sh*t that they're dishing to me
I know they wouldn't.
I live a very disciplined life, you know!
I seriously don't think you would like to give up all your little human pleasures of life
like your moisturizer, and monthly haircut, your shopping every month... your hot water... your sturdy house... your “sense of security"... your kitchen... your refrigerator... your bed... your space... your room... your medical... your vitamins... your social life, your drinks, your influences, your friends, your enemies, your frenemies, your attention, your hoopla, your pride, your front! Your lies!
There is so much I have given up and I know you would never go that far... never endure what I have... you don't have the guts to face the truths and the fears dead in the eyes, acknowledging it and accepting the fate... letting go of the hard headed control... and you would never do what it takes to follow the dream I am following... you don't have the guts to take the risks... you want to have your cake and eat it too. You want to give up nothing and receive everything. You're like that story where nobody wants to help the chicken bake the bread but yet you think you deserve a slice. And yet you think you have the grounds to try to battle me? Try to show off to me? Trying to be all bling bling and high makamaka in everyone's face???
Would you do that to a homeless kid?
To a charity?
To those poor starving people on the commercials?
...and yet you think you can do that to me?
Think about it! You don't know people's lives OK! You don't know who the hell you're fxing with! What makes you think you have the right to go flaunting your nonsense in other people's faces, huh? With your air of superiority.
I can see if you just truly love this kinda pretty, beautiful, fancy things (It is fun and I, myself, loves beautiful, pretty, lovely, things) but I can tell the difference OK?
Some people talk about those things and you can just tell that that's their passion, it makes them truly happy and it really is who they are... they're human and it is indeed cool and awesome and amazing!... but others, you can tell, just want to be better and above everyone else and flaunt--flaunt--flaunt--flaunt--flaunt! tantaran!
See, it's okay if you really do like the beautiful blings of life! It's pretty much OK if you like anything and anyone and it doesn't really matter what you do! Because it's not actually what you do... it is how you are doing it and with what motives... and when it's ugly motives... it's an ugly trait... and in the end... it's gonna affect you... and maybe even your appearance... just saying *shrugs*
What makes me strong?
It Is Not Money.
It Is Not Bling.
It Is Not the fad or what is in.
It is not the crowds.
It is not the superficial.
It is not the lies.
and it definitely is not because I am living the life.
It Is Because I Don't Let The Physical Things Tell Me Who I Am.
I Am Not The Appearance
I Am Not Everything That You See
I Am Not The Shallow Things That Other People May See
I Am Below The Surface
It Is Because I Don't Let The Physical Things Tell Me Who I Am.
More Importantly: I Am Not Everything That You Don't See
The Tough Stuff That I Live Every Day
I Am Not The Day To Day Struggles That Can, if I let it, bring me down.
I Am Deeper Than You Think
I Am A True Feeling...
and maybe that's really what you're feeling... isn't it?
Because no matter how much you try to escape your truth, my truth, the truth...
no matter how much you lie, it will always be there.
They are malicious because they are defensive
They are defensive because they feel threatened
They feel threatened because they can't handle the truth.
I am protecting the inner most important part of myself, who I truly am. That's why, in life, people try to tell you the lies to make themselves feel better. They are confused and don't understand because they don't know how to handle the truth. They don't want to believe the great in you... and actually, maybe, they are not capable! They don't believe the extraordinary because they only believe in the robotic routine. You can't make progress when you're living a lie. They can sense that you're going somewhere so they try to get you off track and distract you. They want to make you feel like you are not good enough, something beneath them; they're trying to take away your strength because they are weak!
These people are so focused on all the wrong things that they haven't protected themselves. And, when you don't protect yourself, you gon' get bust up!
So,
no matter what happens to me,
if I remember what's important,
and if I don't allow my mind to tell me lies and drive me astray,
I will know who I am
and, in knowing who I am,
I stand tall
I stand for something
I stand for my everything
and therefore I do not fall
and that is how I stay strong.
11-14-2012 6:19am © Kayla Napua Kong
| Dear reader, woo! That was a spooky thing to write! It was a little too real but whateva... dass what I get fo' write hihihi. Oh and I was writing that to/with a specific bunch of people (that I know) in mind but, if you got offended by any of it... maybe it didn't come out right... or maybe... you can't handle the truth either??? ¯\_(*O.o)_/¯ |
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