Cracking...

You don't care.

You want the end of Me.

There is not one important thing that is more important than the will to Live!

We're going to do the same things anyway, why don't we do it in Peace.

Is peace only for the resting? I wonder... _(~.~)_

The will to die comes back again...

Minds: fragile as glass, handle with care.

What would you do if you were 'bout to slip away?

I'd eat... maybe tweet...

Write with all my might!

Erratic thoughts float between discolored pages...

flipping back and forth...

no bookmark... no place...

Funny how a loved one can disappear before your eyes...

They don't even need to leave to leave...

Forever?

Is suddenly never.

One minute we're here, next minute we're not.

Is life a trick?

We must be magic!


8:11pm 8-6-2016 © Kayla Napua Kong

MUST

I was thinking about how opinionated I am and how much of my thoughts and feelings I have put out there through my writing...

 

I don't mind speaking my mind if I strongly believe and feel it! But I was just wondering if it would all come back to bite me later on (or if I will have to bite it when I eat my own words)... 

 

I don't think it will, though, because, in order for that to happen, it would mean that it was wrong or something. 

 

As we go through life things change, our moods change, we get silly and we get serious, our feelings change, we get happy, we get angry, and we get sad, we move through different times and places, our needs change, our likes and dislikes change, we are young and then we get older, we change. 

 

Is a caterpillar wrong because it will become a butterfly one day? No, because even though we know that what is the case right now will not be the case later on, we must still acknowledge it's presence!

 

Don't be afraid to speak loudly in the present & be who you are right now! It is what is real.

 

Everything is constantly changing! But we have to remember that WE MUST LIVE IN EACH MOMENT in order to get to the next step.

2-15-2014 © Kayla Napua Kong

Become Before

Most have to go through life and live it all to become wise. I'm grateful that I have lived like an old person and have become wise before I live it all.



1-27-2013 Sun. 10:01pm © Kayla Napua Kong

in case

We don't want to just exist together
we want to LIVE together
but in case we don't get that
let's try to enjoy
the existence we will get to have
together
right now

*u.u,

iPod Note: October 5, 2012 1:52am © Kayla Napua Kong

little netbook

You, little netbook, how can you live on? How can you: unimportant, you: without breath, how can you still be here with me? Me: who breathes and feels, Me: who laughs and cries, Me: who misses a part of me that will never breathe again… never see again… never feel again… never feel my hand petting his furry eyeliner eyes and soft fluffy white pompom cheeks… never taste again with tiny human-like tongue that used to give kisses and drink apple juice… never chomp and munch, like a little machine, his favorite food of all time: carrots… never see his favorite colors--well the colors that I always thought were his favorite because he would always react to it more than all the other colors: orange and yellows: the bright happy colors… he’ll never get excited to see me again… never bounce and hop doing kickbacks like he was a professional skateboarder superstar… never run laps in speedy circles like he was winning the Olympic gold medal in track… he used to like to chase me around--I’ve lost my favorite little running partner… and he’ll never dance again… never chinny again… never circle my feet: i love you too.  I’ll never need to comfort him when he sees a cat or when he's in pain and still holding on… and he can never comfort me anymore. He’ll never plop on the cool refreshing ground taking in his surroundings looking out: this is the life… he’ll never get to have the garden I dreamed for him.

I remember when we dreamed together and when I thought we’d make it out alive: together.

But you, little netbook, are still here, filled with all the little memories--that I captured on film. Remember when I first got you? I was so happy! Smiling ear to ear for my new little toy. I couldn’t wait to use all your cool features, like your 1gb ram 250gb hard drive and integrated web cam. You were so small and light! That’s why I bought you! Because you were the best smallest laptop around with all those specs for that price and color: 10 inches and pink!!! I carried you around the house filming everyone in the family and then I rushed you outside because I could!--No weight or wires!--I rushed you outside talking to your web cam and narrating: “and here’s Coconut!” I smiled and you recorded him, curious sniffs and all! …

We were there then, all three of us, when he was alive and nobody was dead,  and you and I are still here now…

Do you know, little netbook, the main reason why I bought you? I wanted a typewriter. Something that my fingers anticipated to type with. Something that I could take anywhere. Something to replace my bunches of messy scribbled torn pages. I wanted to save all the captured memories and I wanted them to be safe--and you’ve kept them safe--but I haven’t really made use of writing with you and I guess now’s a good time to try again…

I try to make sense of this and why some of life's little happy moments become trivial and seemingly silly and why others become powerful and cherished…

How two little things can make me truly happy
But only one of them can make me truly sad.

Little netbook, you were there then and you’re still here now. You don’t even know what it is to be alive and yet you live on while My “little guy ”, who used to be so full of life, now rests in peace as still and cold as a snowy winter.

The last time I tried to write with you, you ended up dusty on the shelf.
This time I try again and blow off all of the dust that’s been collecting.

10-15-2012 4:33am Monday © Kayla Napua Kong