She was empty and blank like a clean sheet of paper.
Not even she knew who or what she was, but it didn't change what she would be, and they could feel it. She had the contradicting potential that destroyed all of the beliefs that they had built their entire life and future upon! She had something that they did not believe existed and it was a part of her as though it loved her. And the thing, whatever it was, threatened the things they had built--and they hated it and her as one.
Their hate became denial. Everyday they laughed at her, drenched in their disbelief. They couldn't believe her guts. [She was crazy! She must be!] Her mere existence troubled them and tampered with their inner peace. Everything about her was hard for them to accept so, they didn't! Their actions and empty defensive words pressed on. An entire community and society of people constantly questioned, challenged and disapproved of her. Her own few friends betrayed her. All of it was just too much to take!
She went away where she could be alone from their voices. The silence was powerful. Being alone was wonderful. She went farther away, put on her headphones, and turned on the music that drowned out all of their laughter and jest. All she could hear was the music and all she could feel was the beating of her own heart thriving! The music watered and nourished her soul and she flourished! And then she began to dream! In a different universe and in many new worlds, she found her own voice! And she started to unveil things! She began to discover what she was made of and who she truly was inside and, in doing so, her meaning and purpose was revealed!
But she couldn't do her purpose yet. Though she could run with it, all the doors were closed. She made sure that she was doing all that she could--but all she could do was dream and dream and dream some more!--acknowledging the voice, taking all that the future has to hold, and storing it; As they added up in piles and piles in the safe.
Years had passed and all the storing was finished. It had taken so much out of her, including all of the life and purpose it gave. Her eyes were weary with waiting and feeling close to giving up. But finally, one day, it was time! It didn't seem like the time because it wasn't how she had imagined it would be. Everything was wrong and opposite and destroyed her ideal vision. But she had to do something! Anything! She just had to do it! No matter what it was she needed to be in action!
She got up and started running! It reminded her of when she used to run before. Everything felt the same except for the green light! She took the road anyway and followed all the green lights that clearly said “GO!" even when the yellow and red lights threatened to differ her, she took them as arrows to change direction and find the next lane that said “GO!" on and on, quickly yet seeming to go on forever... swerving and speeding down the endless roads... all the obstacles made her even more eager and, though her goal seemed like it would never come, it became more pronounced. It became stronger with every setback.
She put in the work, the hours, the time. She strained her eyes with the reading and the learning of languages she thought she wouldn't understand. She made things up, as she followed the voice inside her, even when it pointed her to alleyways that didn't make sense to anyone else. Sometimes it didn't even make sense to her own mind but she listened to the voice instead. It pointed her to seemingly unstable grounds which she built sturdy foundations upon; onto which she built safe dwellings that would one day house her dreams. She learned a lot just from listening to the voice and the great knowledge of it seemed to have come straight out of the air--which it did.
Sleepless days that turned into sleepless weeks, years, decades, and centuries--that passed by like seconds, minutes and hours.
Eventually all of her hard work, redirecting, and learning, was starting to come together. They fell into place before her very eyes. Little confirmations that this was right.
She had been holding and carrying these heavy dreams alone and she imagined the day when she could share it and no longer be all alone and lonely with it.
Finally, one day, she was finished. Suddenly the time was Now. It was scary and exciting. She was about to take the first step into her future--“Am I really ready?", she thought, as she stepped into it slowly.
Again, all the pieces fell together. Like a fresh deck of playing cards, she organized and dealt them in a feverish yet agile way. Fervently releasing her creations, she poured out her truth and her honest heart onto the paper and into the world where her friends and her enemies dwell. She was no longer holding back; She put, not some but, ALL of herself out there for the first time! But they did not react. They were silent. They did not respond to her or support her. They did not show up. They were not there for her. However they were receiving her was off. They were strange... and in those moments she realized that they were all the same. They were all strangers.
But she let the sad truth turn into strength, power and happiness for there was a time when she had accomplished nothing. “I have trouble completing things but just look what I've accomplished! And all on my own!" she exclaimed!
They were at a loss for words. All they could do was drop their jaws or run away from her light.
But she felt the weight lift slightly from her no longer heavy shoulders. Fluttering like a butterfly in flight, she soared! She twirled in the suns light! “Look what I've accomplished!", she told the skies! She walked on tippy-toes, moving to the rhythm of her joy and jubilant laughter! But no one else was laughing. Though she had sent them thoughtful invitations to join the celebrations of her first ever grand opening, no one came, even though she had gone to theirs and supported them when they had invited her to their moment in time. Everyone only looked but no one believed and no one could speak.
The silence was powerful.
But everything was gonna be alright because, somewhere in the distance, she could hear a reassuring voice saying:
“Music was for when we dreamed.
Now, silence is for when we dance."
*;)
November 15, 2012 Thursday 6:25am © Kayla Napua Kong
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